Noots Letter: Hold Up, Did I Just Write The Song Of The Summer?

SPECIAL XXTRA EDITION ~ Summer 2023

We are mere DAYS away from the summer solstice and have yet to label a singular tune that has captivated the nation quite like “Kiss Me More” did in 2020 or “Cheerleader” did in 2015 or “I Gotta Feeling” did in 2009. Why now? Why this dearth?

The requirements for the titular Song Of The Summer are as follows: Must have been released in this calendar year of 2023. Must make you want to instantaneously drop (it) to the floor. Must equally balance the weight of eternal iconicism AND the understanding that time is fleeting, also known as “tonight’s the night” energy.

So in this SPECIAL XXXTRA EDITION¹ of the June NootsLetter, I shall be doing my civic duty by collecting nominations from the general media and casting my so highly in-demand vote. 🇺🇸

“4EVA”, Kaytraminé feat. Pharrell Williams

If there’s one thing I love more than an artist collab, it is a catchy portmanteau!! I just learned that word this year and I won’t stop saying it. Most publications are rooting for this track, but I kind of feel like “Sossaup” is a better nomination. Now waiting for someone to sossa-me-up (idk what this means). 😎

“Padam Padam”, Kylie Minogue

This tune makes me feel like I’m staring into a neon screensaver on my Windows XP Dell laptop. She’s giving Cher with this autotune, in the best way. I’ve noticed a certain specific demographic interacting with this song in a particularly feral manner (white gay men), so I had to lower myself and do the one thing that I fear most: asking for help about a joke that I was not in on. Thank goodness Drew was able to provide this insight:

GIRL THAT’S A RINGTONE 😭

The Barbie Soundtrack

Everything is Barbie right now. Dula Peep is Barbie. Penelope Featherington/Clare Devlin is Barbie. The roach in my room at 2 AM is Barbie. There are so many stars in this film I can’t even make sense of the plot. There are so many stars on this soundtrack that I know Jack Antonoff must be crying screaming throwing up night after night. Our expectations have never been higher for a singular soundtrack! But can we truly put our faith in a candidate we have yet to meet? To be determined. 👻

These people who have claimed to write the song of the summer.

Like this guy and the way he says “oit’s”, followed by the Pride version. Or this guy who wants to give us an authentic oceanic feel or this other guy who wants to have a Hot Boy Summer. Or the White Woman Battle Royale, as featured in this somewhat sad compilation. Or our pal Carol! Or, lastly, The Song Of The Summer. 🌴

This person breaking down the capitalist and labor implications of people saying “Did I Just Write The Song Of The Summer?”

I get so excited when people take something silly and dissect it in in an intellectual way, and I get even more excited when they actually do it well. Rayne Fisher-Quann not only unpacks how the limitations of the modern music industry have directly contributed to this trend, but she also seems to hold the key to all those realizations girls were having At 14. She explores this and more in her Substack, Internet Princess. 🌸

"Calm Down" by Rema, featuring Selena Gomez.

I have never heard this song

“Glad U Came”, Jason DeRulo

You could tell me AI wrote this song and I would believe it. This song asks “Jason DeRulo?” and answers “How high?” This song mentions “tonight” 12 times, “danced all night” 7 times, an essential for the Song Of The Summer candidacy. This song knows what it’s doing to my fragile body and my perception of time and my growing awareness that I am aging rapidly. Regardless, this song is making me put on my Hollister white shorts and straightening my hair for the season opener football game (go Cougs!) 🏈

“Princess Diana”, Ice Spice feat. Nicki Minaj

What a crossover episode! British history meets the American contemporary! And with a feature by two-time Song Of The Summer artist Ninki Minjaj (fun fact, summer actually did not exist before 2012’s “Starships”). The People’s Princess, Ice Spice, has seen a remarkable rise to fame in just a year’s time thanks to her earworm tracks. In this one specifically, she owes her figure to eating oatmeal—again, truly the people’s princess. 👑

“Baby Don’t Hurt Me”, David Guetta feat. Coi Leray & Anne-Marie

WTF IS THIS OMGGGGG AHHHHHH NOOOOOO WHO LET THIS HAPPEN MAKE IT STOPPPPPP 🚫

“Escapism”, RAYE feat. 070 Shake

It came out a little too early to be the song of the summer, but RAYE’s tight poetry is already timeless to me: “And I don't wanna feel how my heart is rippin' / In fact, I don't wanna feel, so I stick to sippin' / And I'm out on the town with a simple mission / In my little black dress, and this shit is sittin”—all this plus the British accent? Pulitzer now pls. Tickets are currently on sale for her tour, so lmk if you wanna go be my fellow highheeled heartbroke beech 👠

“Greenlight”, Hayley Kiyoko

Right now is a huge time for lesbians, thanks to the really psychologically fascinating but also triggering dumpster fire that was Netflix’s Queer Ultimatum. In response, Hayley said “actually we’re doing nontoxic relationship summer” and I love that for her and Becca.🚦

“One That Got Away”, MUNA

Idk if I’ve just been, ya know, watching Netflix’s Queer Ultimatum, but this feels like something Vanessa would sing and therefore I cannot root for it. 😶

“I like u”, Tove Lo

This could be in the running but the lack of parallelism in the “I” and “u” capitalism is really frustrating to me and honestly kind of inconsiderate of her. 🤬

“Ant Pile”, Dominic Fike

This is fun in a pop-almost-punk way! BUT close your eyes and tell me the first four notes don’t sound like an extremely flat version of “Sweet Child Of Mine”—I cannot unhear!! 🐜

“That! Feels Good!”, Jessie Ware

Jessie heard our cries from 2020/2021 and delivered disco, not unlike the previously mentioned Dua Lipa with Future Nostalgia and DISCO by Kylie Minogue (who is apparently also featured in the background vocals of this track). “Freedom is a sound, and pleasure is a right. Do it again,” she sings. Seems to be a theme emerging, so speaking of…

The entirety of The Age of Pleasure, Janelle Monáe

If you’ve made it to the end of a NootsLetter before, you know all good things come at the end, because I’m all about saving the red Sour Patch Kids for the final bite, a.k.a. the Bests for Last. This is a capital A Album and deserves to be treated as such. Each track flows so gorgeously, so sumptuously into the next. Based on lyrics such as but not limited to “I like all my kisses French” and “A bitch look handsome” and “Leave a sticky hickey in a place I won't forget” (I’m sweating), I can only imagine how much—and how many—Janelle is getting into. So why not try the same this summer? I think this tweet about sums it up. Happy listening! 🤸🏼‍♀️

All this and more available in the playlist below:

1. something I am writing out of the goodness of my heart and definitely not because I still feel guilty for disappearing for three American months